ࡱ> 02/7 :bjbjUU .,7|7|%l"""8Z f "@ B B B B B B $w  xf f {  X@ @ t @ @  d "@ @ 0 @ 0@  Louises story A womans experience of a journey through alcohol services Nick Tegerdine, Executive Director of apas, was approached by a service user who wanted to tell her story. Nick: Lets start before the beginning, before you reached the point where you asked for some help. What was going on for you? Louise: Id been in a relationship which was, on the outside, all good. We had a big house, kids, good jobs and everything looked wonderful. Id always liked a drink though, even though my family werent drinkers. There is nobody with a drink problem in the family other than me, so when I had too much they didnt know what to do. I was preached at, which made it worse. I had friends, inevitably, who drank, and over time we got together. I lost good jobs (through drink), two people I was close to died in bad circumstances, I drank to cope with that, and eventually I was drinking 24/7. The marriage was gone, although my husband still encouraged me to deal with the booze. N: What happened then? How did you get started on getting it sorted? L: I got the apas number, friends had told me that I didnt need an appointment or anything, or a Doctors letter. I just decided one morning that I had to do something and I got myself there. N: What happened? L: I saw a man who was really good. I was assessed and told what I already knew. I respected the honesty and that I was not preached at. I chose to work towards stopping drinking, I already knew I had to do that, trying to control it had not worked for me. I was put in touch with a specialist counsellor at apas and things got better for a while. I also saw an Asian woman who really understood what was going on and made me feel good about going there as a woman. I went to the hypnotherapy group that used to be on Saturday mornings, and the other group that ran alongside it. That was good as I was not the only woman there. N: How did this move you forward, if it did? L: It did, definitely. For about six months it was great and I was getting things sorted out. I also started using AA but at first I found it to be over complicated and male dominated. People preached at me, especially some of the women. N: Some people really do well with AA, others less so. What was it like for you, as a woman? L: Dont get me wrong, AA has been good to me but Im in it for my own recovery. I dont want to go to a meeting and come out feeling intimidated and voiceless. Im not the only woman who feels that way. Some people just talk at you, men and women, and its hard if there are just a handful of women in a big room. Sometimes I attend a meeting and walk out straight away because of who else is there. I couldnt have got my drinking sorted out with just AA, I needed apas and more recently the ADEPT group as well. N: Then, I think you said that something else had happened? L: Yes, in the early days my Doctor had been unhelpful but I was asking for other things from him. Through that I somehow ended up at another service, I dont know why, and I got confusing messages, very confusing, especially about drink. I had been having some boyfriend trouble though and I thought that they were helping me with that. I was still strong enough in my sobriety to see that the relationship was not a good place to be, so I left him. The counsellor at the other service had encouraged that, and then when I next saw him he said, straight out, that I had done the right thing and that, by the way, he fancied me. N: You hear these things from time to time, its not how it should be. What did you do? L: I laughed at first but then I fell for it. I craved the attention I think. He said after a week or so I cant wait to get you in my bed. I didnt react but, one night after going to see him for an appointment I went back to his flat. The place stank of cannabis and he was smoking it. I had some, and we did end up in bed. Things went from bad to worse then. N: Im wondering how you want to take this on? L: Its in the past. My point is that it was a real hit on me as a vulnerable woman. I know Im not the only one. I wonder what was going on with a counsellor who was doped up half the time, and of course the drinking started soon after as I got into fixing my feelings. I went straight back to how it was and I was six months into that before I managed to step away. I went back to see someone at apas, just about the drinking, and I soon got straight again. N: What were the consequences of all of that? L: Self respect, respect for so-called professionals, some financial and health losses, because of the sex, it was just enormous. I had learned that to deal with my drinking I had to be honest, about everything. It has taken me a long time to be honest about what happened with that counsellor. I still feel intimidated by the experience and it has taken a lot to overcome all that and to get to this point. I want women to be able to commit to lifestyle changes without all that stuff. Its easy to start with, like me I just walked in. Its when you really commit to big changes that the preaching starts and, as a woman, you are told what to do because you are a woman. Thats been my experience as a woman in recovery, talked to but not listened to, put down if you have a different take on something. N: Go on. L: I went into recovery to get sober, to stay sober, and to enjoy life. I went into recovery to stop feeling ill all the time, physically and emotionally ill I mean. Women arent always seen as equals in my experience, and that stops some women from getting past the front door, like at apas, and achieving a good recovery. N: Whats the answer? L: I was helped by being able to see a woman at apas. When Ive been back I know that I can talk to a woman if I want to. Sometimes it doesnt matter, other times it does. I have that choice here. N: Good. What about women only meetings? L: They can be a bit of a clique. To be honest Id rather a mixed meeting, were all in the same boat arent we? We are all seeking recovery. The problem is that there are sometimes so few women there its a men only meeting! Theres also a lot of cannabis use about, even in AA. Women who get away from the area for a bit seem to do better because they come back stronger and can see through the doped up men, the power trips and all that preaching. N: What are you doing at the moment? L: Trying to encourage more women to follow through their recovery. Its worth it. Im trying to encourage women to attend AA and to stand up to the pressure. I still go to the ADEPT group. That helps a lot, although Im often the only woman there. I drop into apas and I know I can call whenever I need to, and the AA meetings. Its working for me, but Ive had to overcome a lot of nonsense and prejudice to get here. N: Thanks for being so honest. Lets try and open up the debate. L: Thanks Nick, thats what we must do.     PAGE  PAGE 3 Ouy591 5 +1Y]  !'()+,23456:0JmHnHu0J j0JU jU566 5CJ aJ 5)NO:;'(r s $a$901lmij()$a$ )*+6789:&`#$$a$,1h. 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